feel the flow

New WebSite

2004-09-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys...I'm going on Xanga from now onwards. This "blog" will now be labelled as "da Old Blog". So Come and Visit My new stuff!

www.xanga.com/yozzie7

ENJOY!

The LaSt LaSt FuN WeeKend

2004-09-15T06:01:00.000-07:00

Taken two weekends ago! Chris, me and Ravv

The title speaks for itself, I'm making a pact, swearing on it...This coming weekend is going to be the last. The "second" last time I'm going to the ct to slack around and the last time I'm going to have fun. Why? I think I've been lazing around far too much to pay attention to my school work. My grades have been dropping. Today I had a physics test which was relatively easy but I didn't end up studying for it. Thus, I forgot how to do a couple of questions due to lack of practice and revision. It's one of those tests which you SHOULD score well for...but I didn't take it so..yeah another one down. I don't even want to mention chemistry.

Ok so whats happening? My friends are coming over this weekend to camp out at my luxurious zoo. We've got our SHAGS international rivercruise this coming friday...can't wait! The last social that I'm ever gonna attend this year.Tomorrow is the IGSSA aths...which I'm not looking forward to. The second IGSSA aths in 4 years that I'm gonna NOT wag. Oh well, I have my erm friends to entertain me..haha or better still I'll go entertain them. Lots of chatting to do. And No school spirit.

Right now I'm slacking off again. Can someone wake me up please? I'm deteoriating every second...

Rainy Day

2004-09-10T03:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had another one of those -"I thought it would turn out good but in the end it didn't go the way I want it to" or the "too bad it fucked up"- episodes in your life? I bet you did. I had plenty and I never would have thought "That" would occur anytime soon...and it did. All was well, in fact better than I ever expected. But God chose to screw things up and yes things were screwed. Just when I thought I was seriously glad with what I have right now...

I do agree though. I didn't know myself or anyone else better than "right now." Myself? Let me see....I realised that I am quite an emotional person. Emotionally weak. I never realised it before but I'm very emotionally dependant on friendships or relationships in general. Before, I thought crying was only for weak people but I guess after somethings, not even referring to this episode, sometimes I can't help but cry. There's this heavy feeling in your heart sometimes, you just gotta let it out. and you just cry... I had this kinda feeling recently, last, last weekend when I had a small tiff with my friend over something sooo stupid...a stupid misunderstanding. And now? haiz. I made an emotional pact with myself never to cry over small things and I did.. I feel so embarrassed. I hate showing people my weak side.

The last few days was quite a mind-worrier..kinda had a small situation with my friends. What was supposed to be a fun thing turned out to be totally out of my expectations. But anyhow through this, I guess the positive side is I got to see myself and my friends in a better light. Sorta had a better understanding of each other, I guess experience do change people and the way of my thinking. Still have certain things buried in my mind but I won't mention them here.

Anyways yeah, I hope the sun comes up soon because I hate the rain. Not literally.

Lifeless

2004-09-05T03:28:00.000-07:00

sometimes I feel like we're drifting apart but hey I knew it was coming sooner or later...

The weekend, my friends stayed over on friday night..we went to the ct AGAIN. hahaha actually I only went because my friend came to perth and he's leaving on saturday...had heaps of fun! hahaha Thanks Billy!

We went crazy again... =_=

I am so tired. This is a short entry because I can't be bothered typing out more...haiz haha maybe later when I feel like it...

bleh

I feel sick

The HangOver

2004-08-31T02:48:00.000-07:00

Not really the hangover but SERIOUSLY I'm "hung over" from the mid termbreak.

Friday: City
Saturday: City
Sunday: City
Monday: City

Stupid huh? Friends and I have been chilling out at the city for four days in a row. Been in and out of places and seen the same old people. Was tiring, fun and boring all at once. This mid term break was "weird" compared to previous long weekends. Honestly I'm quite surprised my mom let me out 4 days in a row.

4 days in a row I had fun with my "monkeys" haha =_= No. I had fun with my crazy friends. Except for sunday when I had that huge mood swing...probably time of the month or something. Seriously, avoid girls when they are pmsing because they get over reactive, over sensitive and moody. I did and said things I sorta regretted and came to a realisation that I am a bad friend. I am still pissed at myself. I didn't mean what I said. You know who you are...Sorry for that. And further more, to add coal to the fire, I had to go complicate things...I am seriously so wack sometimes. Hate myself for that.

I am a miracle...seriously...48 hours No homework done, and awake?

Crazy

The day afta Tomorrow

2004-08-24T06:01:00.000-07:00

Starting of my mid term break is this coming friday! can't wait...

I've been feeling kinda down these couple of days though...could be the unsatisfactory results I've been getting from my past three tests...Feel like such a failure..arghh

Sometimes I hate myself...honestly. For the things I do and say, can't take them back. I wanna be a better and improved person. So I'll TRY.

Anyways, I went to the aquinas/hale international social on friday.. the music was erm "ok" definitely better than the songs we had at our yr 11 dance. 1 or 2 good songs but that was it. But anyhow, we got into the dancing mood pretty fast so that was cool..=P Highlights? Nothing much, met up with friends, danced, watched people dance, saw a couple of familiar faces... hmm Eric went up on stage to sing a song for Karen which I found rather sweet =P She was really touched. I remembered a group of indo girls sighing behind me..."how romanticcc" hahaha Honestly that was a fab thing to do..

heheh well me? I went up on stage and embarrassed myself..haha nah it was all for good fun. Just that the mic wasn't working and we could barely hear ourselves sing.
Met up with my long lost friends from japan! erm...couldn't recognise them at first but somehow when everyone else had left...we spotted each other. How ironic huh..

can't wait for mid term break....one more gt test to go..and 4th in counting..unsaisfactory result

2004-08-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

Janet, Jess and Meh!! Yr 11 dance!

2004-08-14T06:06:00.000-07:00

Sabby and Meh!!..Taken last Week! heh..Besties foreva!

i Believe...

2004-08-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever made eye contact with a stranger, staring into his eyes and wondering if "something" could possibly happen. Like that first instant of a second when you feel so drawn but you're afraid to look deeper in case you might find something you've always wanted but can't have.

Or maybe on one of those rainy days, thinking of the nonsense that writers conjure up in romance novels.."Rainy days are romantic." How can that be romantic when you're standing in the rain with the wind blowing in your face, wrecking your new hairdo?

Or maybe after hearing Daniel Bedingfield's "If you're not the one" and thinking how melancholic the lyrics sound..

Realization strikes me.. Is there something that exists as Fate? The things in life that happen and can't be explained, is that so-called Fate? Or something we name just to find a reason to justify "honestly" weird incidents that occur?

Some people say "If they let it go and it comes back to them...it's theirs for keeps. If it doesn't return, it was never theirs to begin with." They are people who use "Fate" as a reason in the hope that something better will come. On the other hand, some could argue that Fate does not exist and to get what you want is to seize every opportunity that comes along. For that, You wouldn't lose out or ponder endlessly on the possiblities..."If Only I had..." But Courage is the only "known" problem.

With Fate, Patience is a virtue and regret is the aftermath. Would you be willing to wait for something Fate pre-arranged for you, or to seize every chance you have? Personally I'm a bit of a believer in both. I believe in taking leaps yet I also believe in the existance of fate. Perhaps there is a mastermind out there somewhere, planning our journey. How we live, when we experience joys and grief, when we fall in love and when we die. Perhaps our life is laid out. Or perhaps we have a destiny. Can we change our destiny?

My theory: Fate is like a map. Life is the start of our journey and the end, is death. The places we choose to stop on the way gives us the experiences of life. We are all destined to finish the journey but we have a choice to choose how it goes.

Like the stranger you've just met.. You could walk away and choose to leave it up to Fate to decide for you. Or you could look deeper, take a deep breath, seize the chance, approach the stranger and pray that Fate smiles on you. *Take note*...Fate sounds more feminin*ised, So I used "her" as a reference*

If you rely on Fate too often...You may never get what u want...but if you grab the chance, you could experience something you never would have had if you trusted fate. BUT to me, personally, if it was *never meant to be, it's not meant to be. And We'll end up on fate's route again.....back to the "pre-arranged" goal.

We have a destiny, we can stray away from it but we will always end up with what's meant to be. The experiences are often life-changing. That's what being human is about isn't it? To be able to live through something so horrendously hurtful or something so amazing...to be a stronger person altogether. To experience first love, heartbreak, friendship, loyalty... Why should life be just a straight line? Are we born to die, meet God in heaven and say "Well, I've learnt nothing in life..."

...do you believe in Fate?

Gee

2004-08-12T07:15:00.000-07:00

Hey guys... Well time is zooming past fast and its already week 3 of term 3. Soon-to-be-Year-12. I can't say I'm excited because I'm not. I still remember back in Year 8 when I was still puny and saying "Gee, Year 12..that's like 4 years away. So LONG away, who the hell cares about TEE..HAHA They have to suffer." And yes, giggling at their expense of worrying over Unis and GRADES. I never expect or anticipated that one day I had to stress ABOUT year 12. Payback time. Gee Time flies so fast.

The Year 11 dance. No comment. The time spent looking forward to the event and such...really I've learnt a lesson not to expect the best because you always get disappointed. Music was crap, queuing up for photos was shit and honestly, I probably wouldn't have gone knowing it was such a let down. But I give it props; its better than staying home on a friday night and pondering about who went with who, who wore what, who said what and yeah you get my drift. And by the way, my partner was a fab dancer...which was the overall funnest (if there was such a word) bit of the dance. (Watching him pull off moves) So yeah! Thanks for that!

Ok so after the dance...its back to school again. Urgh SO shit. More hw and assignments.

Shermaine's party was held last saturday and it was fun! Thanks for the invite shermaine. We went crazy at her party..erm..shouting and screaming like kids..but hey we ARE kids. =_= Kinda embarrassing actually but oh well. Danced to music..djed by Christin, simply mucked around and went on highs. Yeah right..haha

THIS coming weekend with 4 god damn tests and 1 assignment...I am dead. I swear IC is gonna bite me back. HELP.

Back In Perth

2004-07-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

I'm back in perth....land of the boredom..*cough. But anyhow, what can I say about my trip? Hongkong was one huge pasar malam city..very polluted, crowded and definitely not a place I want to live. I had imagined Hk to be glamourous, wading in the beautiful night lights, but what I saw wasn't really similar to my expectations. The weather was hot and worst there was a typhoon on the second day of my trip, so all the shops were closed.

What did I do? I went around, got drenched and watched Tv. Though I must say, HK is the place to eat and shop. So far the best place. The food was great, even at the small cramped roadside stalls, the food was great. Within 5 m of any vicinity, food existed. I love the food! Next, shopping. Never go to HK if you don't have cash on hand. Why? because you're gonna get so pissed seeing all these nice stuff and having no money to buy them. I, had made a huge hole in my pocket and my mom's. Needless to say, I've spent a lot of money. The amount...I would NOT want to reveal in fear of any persons fainting. Heaps and heaps of clothes, shoes, costume jewellery, everything..! I must have gained an obsession with costume jewellery especially, hair clips and chokers..=_= Heaps of branded stuff too! Christian dior bags!! arghh...nice to see..no money though. Paris Hilton would have had a fantastic time at HK. I stayed at causeway bay...my hotel was right beside all these shopping places...so fun!

The thing about Hk...most of the places look the same..so if you stay there for more than a week..its gonna bore you.

I went back to Singapore on Tues. On weds went out to karaoke with my friends. Going to karaoke made me realise how much I miss singing. I haven't been practising for so long...voice has gone rusty..hahaha but anyways I'm all good.

Yesterday, came back to perth...I swear I love aeroplane food. No more aeroplane food for the next two years =_= Somehow I'm glad to be bck in perth but just a bit bored. Visiting Hongkong and Singapore mde me realise..I liked staying in perth. Hk was a bit too crowded for me..and the pollution..=_=..You cant even find a single tree in the city...its all dust. Singapore...too hot and humid for me..and again..its all too rushed.

I like it nice and slow.

Singapore

2004-07-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

Heyy everyone. I'm back in singapore. Its already been 6 days..time passes so fast huh. Been going out to orchard for the past 6 days. Kinda boring I reckon. Nothing much to talk about my trip really..nothing much happened. haha the usual stuff of course...shopping, hanging around. Leaving for hongkong tomorrow. I'm not really that excited for some reason. My mood levels are kind of low..not dangerously low but just low. I went to esplanade today with an old primary school friend..caught up heaps..wasn't too awkward..fortunately..haha Saw a couple of guys breakin', kinda cool. Wish I could watch..but nah. It was raining like cats and dogs outside..my cousin made me run out of the mall..and I ended up looking like a drenched cat. Help. Update later.

Days are long and Nights are short

2004-06-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

Hello. Right at this moment I'm currently in school, updating my blog of nonsensical thoughts. I should be finishing off my english assignment but needless to say..."I'm procrastinating" as usual. The days are aging longer as I await patiently for the upcoming holidays; aka the last days of freedom. I will be leaving for singapore next week, 9th of July..Friday. In singapore for about 6 days and then away to HK on the 15th! Can't wait to visit HK...I vow to visit that place again after Yr 12. "Party Time."

Speaking of Yr 12...we've got 6 more months..if I'm correct. 6 more months to Hell. But I guess at this moment after the holidays I will be wishing for time to freeze..and stay like this forever. Who wants to grow up and witness everything that they used to value, vanish in front of their own eyes? Time changes things, I suppose. People grow older and change into different people; maybe for the better or the worse. Circles of friends change..people who used to be tight with you and all..may transform into strangers in the nextblink of an eye.

As I come to know more about myself..in the state of realisation of what I am..what kind of person I really am. To be truthful I don't have a clue. I think that everyone in this world..to some degree is wearing a mask of pretence. I remembered back in the Ice Age someone "wise" once told me people are pretenders. I do agree..I am a pretender, I say things that I don't mean and when I mean things I don't say a word. Maybe I'm fake. One moment I can be this person and the next, another person. I have my own opinions and views; sometimes bitchy to an extend, but I tend to avoid being "that" person. Who knows when I'm the real me? I do admit...I am a pretty good actor when I want to be. I hope that if I do things for people, it is out of personal will and genuine sincerity, not in the hope to please others or to gain popularity. The point?

My point: The people we see everyday may not be the people they are in reality. Or in otherwords, they are one's thoughts embodied in another's words, behaviour and actions.One could be as fake as they can be..denying their true selves in order to fulfil a hidden motive. Of course, if you happen to only say what you think then you're an exception. But I find that extremely rare; rare because no one wants to be anti-social and without friends. Sometimes telling a lie is better than saying the truth. The truth hurts and this is probably why people resort to backstabbing..they're too cowardly to voice out their views in front of the "subject" in fear of being isolated. Everyone hates to be alone. Well so do I. How do I know all this? Through experience and observations. But miraculously through the ordeal of either 1) being a backstabber or 2) being a victim, they survive. I "was" a bit of both until I realised people condemn others due to insecurity and the fear to face criticism. No one likes being dissed and they hate the people who do it to them. Ta da. And the monster crawls out of the cave. But I must say people can be quite cruel. SO in Conclusion,

My motto: What comes around, goes around. Sometimes in the worst possible way...you get ten times the damage you inflict on others.

And another? When you have got something to say about others..just "shut up." If you really got to vent then tell someone you trust or go punch a wall.....

Just playing.

After my longwinded post above...you must wonder why I've got so much time to type out a load of nonsensical crap. Well what can I say? I'm in an english mood and sometimes I feel the need to yak.

Forgive me.

Holidays

2004-06-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

Holidays..I can't wait for the 2 weeks of fun. FUN. I'm going to Hong Kong for one week and then to Singapore for another...I am indeed very satisfied. Hong Kong has always been one of the top MUST-Travel-to-Places on my list. Shopping time...heheh. At least I get to have the last most exciting holiday before confining myself to study for Yr 12. "Confine" means staying in Perth until I graduate Yr 12. How boring.

Tests...I can't wait till I finish school. But then again, the highschooler side of me will be very unwillingly to say farewell to school. The memories we had and my friends, corny as it sounds will always remain a significant part of my life.

Talking about life, my weekend was ordinary as usual. The only highlight was the ccgs yr 11 dance which I must say was pretty alright. I didn't like the music though...I thought the tunes were too 80s. I hope our Yr 11 dance turns out to be fantastic...if not I will be kind of disappointed. As long as good rnb, hiphop music is played..I'm all for it. Good Music is the life of the party.

Signing off..
Est

Back To School

2004-06-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

The weekend went by so quickly in a blink of an eye. We rejoiced, screamed and became overly hyperactive when the last exam was over at 11 am on Friday. Too exaggerated huh? But there was definitely a sense of relief in the air. Waited at school for 3 HOURS just for Sab to do her laundry when she could have done it the day before. Yep the "Im having exams" excuse. But it was ok...spent the time at school chatting up with friends. Sab came over to my house for weekend leave.....major eyebags left on our faces which was due to extreme lack of sleep. What did you expect? It was a sleepover! Girl talk...dancing...whatever you called it.

We went to the city on fri night...went night shopping. The "shopping" mood quickly passed as we constantly felt a need to sit down. Yes, we're getting old-er. And we were tired from the lack of sleep. Went to nb and sat around outside gelares for 2 hours. Basically just talking and reminiscing. Didn't expect to see any familiar faced but we bumped into sil, steph and ratna at nb. Afterwards...got picked up..when we got back..the "sleeping" mood was over. Spent the whole night talking.

On Saturday.. We went to the ct again..=_= Yep. We met up with charlene and shermaine..had lunch and then headed to harbortown. At harbortown, met up with our other friends and shopped around. Everything at harbortown is cheap..but somehow I didnt fancy the clothes there and plus I had NO money. SO

No interest + No money = Nothing

Exactly. We headed back to the ct.. In the rush to get on the train..Sab and I got on the wrong train and left char and sherm on the platform. Hah. We had to walk one huge circle just to get to the other side of the platform and take the right train back to the ct. This was done when there was an obvious shortcut. Silly me.

Sunday

Went to Dina's church at 10 am. From the "excessive" lack of sleep, we were late to meet Dina. Anyways, it was quite an experience to attend an Indo church except from the fact that my Indo understanding and speaking skills equate to Zero which proves to be a distress. Another distressing thing: They announced our names to "introduce" us to the assembly. Well what can I say? My name was announced..out of embarrassment I did not stand up and raised my hand instead. This provoked a repeat of my name for 3 times on a mic in front of heaps of people. Finally I stood up due to Dina's slight encouragement..Lol When I say encouragement I mean a "Push."

Afterwards...met up with char and shopped around the ct (again). It was boring and tiring. I was so sleepy in fact, I didnt say anything more than 15 sentences. But it was interesting to witness Sab going on a shopping spree. For the first time in 4 yrs of friendship, I witnessed her actually buying something willingly...instead of being the thrift she normally is. Unlike me, I am the opposite. If I see something I like, I will buy it. (Thats If I have the money of course) I bought headphones, a waistband, earrings and track pants.

Overall my weekend was alright. Wasn't too spectacular, could have enjoyed it better but I had a great time. VERY tiring though.

MONDAY..was my Dooms-day. Exam results came back in. Wasn't happy with my results and was moody the whole day. Even when I tried to smile or laugh..nothing came out. I was very disappointed with chem. I guess the un-satisfactory reulsts were my fault for not spending enough time to study. My best to worst was Japanese, Ic, Physics, GnT, English and then Chem. During this time I came to a realisation about myself...I am naturally very competitive and constantly in my mind I kept comparing my results to that of my friends'. I kept wondering, why is it that I had scored lower marks and why couldn't I have done better? In my mind I was pitting myself against others and I felt this sense of unhappiness with my friends that have done better. In some ways I was envious and a bit distant. when I got home I realised another thing. I shouldn't lay the unhappy thoughts and feelings on my friends instead let it be a lesson learnt. The moral of the story? Take responsibility for every consequence for they occur due to every action you take.

Competitiveness is a dangerous attribute. Really...it is.

3 Down and 3 More To Go

2004-06-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

Blogging. Back to blogging again. After more than 6 months of hibernating in a cave in the 'dull' and boring Perth, I'm back. Congratulations. Well What can I say about my life? Having mid term examinations now, 3 down; IC, English and Chemistry. 3 More; Physics, Japanese and GT. Luckily its not the toughest 3 combinations or I would have died on the spot right then and there. Just had the Ic paper today, it wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. I'd better not make careless mistakes or I will kick myself. English was tough, think writing 3 essays in 3 hours. Sounds simple, it's not. I screwed up the "studied text" section because I didn't bother learning any of Sister Kate's quotes by heart. My Bad. Chemistry? Don't even start...I barely had time to finish let alone check through. To further brighten up the mood some "good" student had to walk out and say "Oh My god, That was so EASY. It was MUCH EASIER than I expected." - Yeah right, let me see your results before you talk. Geez. I realise that the cockier people act, the more foolish they look in the end. It's karma I tell you.

The coming weekend is a long weekend. No school tomorrow as I've finished all the papers I needed to do this week. I'm dying to go out but unfortunately my mom is probably going to lock me up in the house to study. I DO NEED to study or I will fail Physics and Gt for sure. Thinking of going out on friday but "we'll see." The city is really one boring place. (Lesson learnt: Don't EVER go there alone.) It was so boring, I was extremely bored to death. Always bring a friend.

Blogging off. Finished with my ramblings but wanted to leave some kind of "quote" smsed in by some girl which aired on 101.7.

"Who are the 3 most beautiful people?"

"Me, myself and I. You need to love yourself before you can see the beauty in others." - or something that went like that.

I thought it was a great "quote"; just to let people know that they should love themselves for who they are and stop questioning every single fault that lies with them. Nobody's perfect.

I like being me. Yeah right...Only on my GOOD HAIR days.

Just Playing.